


From Darkness Into Light

by crempyreal (SouthernGentleMonster)



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Anxiety, Gen, PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2018-12-31 19:10:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12139179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SouthernGentleMonster/pseuds/crempyreal
Summary: After Finn wakes up he must learn to adjust to his new world and fears





	From Darkness Into Light

**Author's Note:**

> I always wondered what side effects Poe and Finn dealt with on a daily basis due to being at war most of their lives   
> my PTSD is not war-related but I also wished to explore my own fears in a sense in this fic 
> 
> As the reader, you can view their relationship as platonic or romantic I've left it open for your interpretation  
>  Unbetad as this was meant to be a quick piece.

He jolted awake, hand immediately reached out to the blaster that sat on the bedside table. He aimed it at each corner as searched out the open space of the room in case his enemies had chased him from out of his sleep. His hand shook as he slowly brought the blaster down when he realized he was alone. His shirt was soaked through and he leaned against the wall as he waited for his heart to slow. The pain in his back throbbed, the muscles burned as they pulled at the scar tissue. He took a moment to take deep breaths and organize his thoughts. He couldn't hear Poe anywhere within the quarters but that wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, his duties sometimes requiring him to rise early. He let out a deep sigh and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. No way he would be able to fall back to sleep. He hobbled to the showers, stretching as he waited for the water to adjust temperature. He still felt unease in the pit of his stomach even knowing logically there was no danger here at the center of the resistance. 

“Finn?” The sound gave him a start and the realization that the water had run cold. How long had he stood there? Poe leaned against the doorway, his face tired and etched with worry. Several beats of silence between them before he let out a quiet reply.

“Yeah…” 

“Come on buddy, breakfast should be ready.” 

They made their way to the cafeteria, several other pilots and mechanics waved them over to their table. They were recent recruits, not yet even taken part in their first battle and it showed. Bright faced, genuinely cheerful, hopeful and definitely cocky. In their mind the Resistance was in the right so they surely could not lose. Poe still responded with enthusiasm, a smile on his face that crinkles his eyes. Finn could not bring himself to share their revelry, his battle with Kylo still fresh at the back of his mind. He knew the world he had left behind, the fear the First Order left in its wake, death at its lead hidden behind a mask. 

No matter how he tried to couldn’t unknot the fear in his chest, no matter how many jokes were told, the carefree attitudes, none of it put him at ease. A solid hand on his shoulder, Poe giving him a knowing look. He felt he didn’t belong even though he made the choice to leave, to betray everything he ever knew but the lurking feeling that he was not trusted by those he had helped save around him still lingered. There was a pull at his arm, Poe looked concerned but no words were needed. Poe had been behind enemy lines plenty of times. They had spoken about it in the quiet hours of the night how fear tainted every decision, worry bone deep that he or one of the others wouldn’t make it home. How life at war was hard and never really goes away even after war ends. He could see the clench of Poe's shoulders when shuttles flew overhead unexpectedly, the way he clings to him when they both have nightmares. Poe overworked himself to the point of exhaustion so he could fall asleep. There were nights he laid awake and wait for the rumbles of the camp subside with sheets clenched in his hands. Poe could always tell when those nights happened and made the needed excuses for Finn to stay behind and recover. 

It wasn't until one early dawn he saw a shuttle arrive and a group of refugees shambled out, their clothes worn to almost rags. Finn recognized the fear and tiredness in their eyes and what Maz had said to him finally clicked. The look of powerlessness, of lost hope but when the little girl was given food and a pile of new clothes something seemed to change in him. A spark deep within her eye, even in darkness this one small thing created a flame of life. Her life has probably been chaos for as long as she remembers yet here she stands. It was then that he realized even with all his horrors he had found light here and though the shadows lurk at the edges of flames he will find his own form of hope, his kindle, to burn ever brighter in dark times. While acceptance of his past did not cure all it gave him a light to follow to his new life. 

 


End file.
